Breaking: First Human Teleportation in Stockholm

Amazing news out of Stockholm today, where Swedish scientists won the ongoing battle of who could successfully teleport the first human being. 46 year old Oskar Svensson was almost instantaneously teleported from the Stockholm Science Institute Headquarters, to a separate underground branch in Karlstad. The report said that according to the on location sensors, Svensson was able to travel 180.4 miles in 2.54 seconds. Just when you thought you had seen it all, an incredible story like this breaks.

The report described Svensson, a thermal engineer for the Swedish Space Corporation, as appearing “severely disoriented and unable to form complete sentences.” For those of you who worried that a teleported man would be missing parts or have others rearranged, Svensson “did appear to be in complete form.” Oskar Svensson was said to be suffering from nosebleed and extreme perspiration while vomiting profusely, and was immediately aided by on-site doctors from the nearby Karlstad Central Hospital. The report noted that Svensson was in “critical condition”, and was being monitored by a staff “into the double digits.”

The story was first reported at approximately 9:45 AM EST by BBC. Six minutes later, the website showed an error code 404. At about 10 AM EST, the BBC’s website returned live, but contained no mention of the story, or Oskar Svensson whatsoever.

Swedish scientists built a machine that was able to successfully read and analyze the “trillion trillions of atoms in the human body.” Once a complete and extremely detailed ‘body map’ was constructed, the data had to be uploaded to the sister systems in Karlstad. Mr. Svensson had to undergo some extreme procedures to make sure that nothing went awry; he was professionally “cleaned, shaven, and scraped.” He was not allowed to eat and was allowed minimal fluids in the 24 hours prior to the transfer. Svensson was monitored in a controlled environment for “about a week” prior to today’s date. The report noted that even a “tiny alteration to the pre-programmed human code could have had catastrophic consequences.” Oskar Svensson was placed in the machine sometime on Sunday morning in Sweden or Saturday evening in the United States. The report noted, “By the looks of things, the human code was successfully transmitted with 100% accuracy.” Amazing.

This topic has been the source of incredible debate. Some in the science community have suggested that teleportation cannot be achieved without committing murder. One school of thought is that it’s impossible to bring the same living creature to another location faster than the speed of light. These minds say that the original person is actually killed, and a new person is “grown in his place and programmed with all of his prior memories.” Is this Oskar Svensson in Karlstad, Sweden an impostor? Only time will tell once further tests are conducted.

There have been some sensational stories covered here on Astounde that seem too futuristic to be true. Up until today, everything has been 100% accurate. Unbelievable stories such as a cure for seven types of cancer being on the horizon, a form of invisibility coming into fruition, flying cars taking the road, and a fungus that can live off of our plastic waste. The story you just read, as you may have guessed, was false. Hope your heart wasn’t beating too fast, and that you enjoyed some April 1st jest. Share this with your friends and lets see how many people we can get today.

In all honesty, if you hadn’t heard, there is a form of teleportation that has recently been successfully achieved. Although it did not involve human teleportation, it is laying some important groundwork in the field of science. A process known as Quantum Teleportation is real. Scientists were able to teleport extremely basic data, dubbed quantum information, over a 10 mile space using no traveling medium.

To get technical with it, “quantum teleportation is quite different from how many people imagine teleportation to work. Rather than picking one thing up and placing it somewhere else, quantum teleportation involves entangling two things, like photons or ions, so their states are dependent on one another and each can be affected by the measurement of the other’s state. When one of the items is sent a distance away, entanglement ensures that changing the state of one causes the other to change as well, allowing the teleportation of quantum information, if not matter.”

It’s still a basic concept and very difficult to get your head around, but the fact that we’re making strides like this is truly astounding. The impact of this ongoing study would be the ability for us to transmit information without the use of a traditional signal. The belief is that this could lead to us being able to transfer quantum information from a satellite to Earth astonishingly fast. The implications beyond that are anyone’s guess. Definitely a story to keep an eye on.

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