Scientists Claim Existence of Bigfoot

A group of scientists in Dallas, Texas have completed a five year DNA study that they say confirms the existence of a hominin hybrid species living in North America.

The controversial study is currently under peer-review, but the associated team believes there’s conclusive evidence pointing to scientific proof of the existence Bigfoot A.K.A. Sasquatch.

The report was conducted by a team of experts in genetics, forensics, imaging, and pathology, and was headed by Dr. Melba Ketchum, who herself has 27 years of experience in the field of genetics. The team analyzed a number of samples of ‘Bigfoot DNA’ they had collected over the years, and feel confident enough to claim a new species.

Our Brother Bigfoot

The study concludes that the elusive Sasquatch gained it’s uncanny intellect because it’s actually a relative of modern homo sapiens! Dr. Ketchum’s team notes that the Bigfoot arose approximately 15,000 years ago as a hybrid cross of a yet to be determined primate species and homo sapiens.

The group says, “The genome sequencing shows that Sasquatch mtDNA is identical to modern Homo sapiens, but Sasquatch nuDNA is a novel, unknown hominin related to Homo sapiens and other primate species.”

Here’s an undated video clip of Sasquatch in the wild.

The report goes on to state, “Sasquatch nuclear DNA is incredibly novel and not at all what we had expected. While it has human nuclear DNA within its genome, there are also distinctly non-human, non-archaic hominin, and non-ape sequences. We describe it as a mosaic of human and novel non-human sequence. Further study is needed and is ongoing to better characterize and understand Sasquatch nuclear DNA.”

We’ll have to wait until the peer-review process is complete to definitively pencil in a Sasquatch species to our science textbooks. Dr. Ketchum believes we need to start taking steps in that direction; she describes Bigfoot as possessing “unambiguously modern human maternal ancestry”, and calls for all North American government agencies to take the necessary steps to classify Bigfoot as an indigenous species!

“Government at all levels must recognize them as an indigenous people and immediately protect their human and Constitutional rights against those who would see in their physical and cultural differences a ‘license’ to hunt, trap, or kill them.”

Show Me Proof

Americans have obsessed over Bigfoot for over half a century, with much hysteria stemming from this iconic 1967 photo.

Confirming the existence of the famous creature would undoubtedly be huge, but may experts are skeptical until they see some raw data. Wisconsin University anthropologist John Hawks, an expert on human evolution, says of the story, “No data, no discovery.” Similarly, Yale neurologist Dr. Steven Novella speculated that: “Human DNA plus some anomalies or unknowns does not equal an impossible human-ape hybrid. It equals human DNA plus some anomalies.”

If anyone is going to finally wrangle the elusive creature, it’s going to be someone with the last name Ketchum. We’ll soon find out how legitimate these claims are, but until then, we’ll have to continue to rely on amateur videos like the one below.

DNA Diagnostics via PR Web

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